Time: 11am
I was reading newspaper during a once-in-a-blue-moon peaceful morning. She was back and I opened the door for her. Then she sat down on the exact spot I was sitting. She said she has sat down already. She won’t be moving. Fine. I told her to gimme 1 min to finish up with whatever I was reading and I left the place.
***
I have to stay at home longer to know how to adapt to her. Yesterday I had my once-in-a-blue-moon off day from work and I totally lost my cool and all. It was my only time of rest. Could I have responded to her wisely such that it won’t jeopardize my own sanity? YES.
How to stay cool while being flamed?!
I read that line on the newspaper this morning and it is clear to me that we can never run away from fire. Either we try to put it out ourselves (risk getting burnt) or we can just treat it transparent and let it burn (being oblivious towards everything).
NO. I could have used my energy to pray rather than to explode.
It is difficult.
Not to be affected and choose to turn to God. Especially when the house is just you and her alone and you cannot just stay in the room to do stuff. (At least that way I can keep my sanity and still pray for her) But I can’t stay in my room. I have been instructed to keep an eye on her. To look after her. To do that, I can’t just keep myself to the room.
Once you are out, that’s it. You see and hear the ‘damage’, sanity becomes history. Temptation of flaring up is EVERYWHERE. How to keep cool? HOW?
I figured why I just can’t do it. Because I still treasure her as a normal healthy person. I still feel very protective about her. I cannot imagine if one day she disappears. The only way to get things done correctly will be to treat her as a patient. I know that way, I will let go my anger and embrace her with patience. She can hurl as much vulgarities as she wants… She can continue to create all the damage… I won’t be affected anymore. That will only make me love her more.
***
If you can’t take the heat, don’t step into the kitchen. Just on the fan from outside.
