Sailing, sailing out… Again.

And again I say REJOICE.

REJOICE… REJOICE… And again I say REJOICE.

I know it is hard for me. It is really hard. I want to eat healthily. I want to sleep soundly. I want to drink diamond water.

But I know that God has His purpose for me in this place. I might not really like it. But this place has given me really some life experiences that I will never get it elsewhere. So many people said I will miss this place and the people when I leave in September. I know I will miss all. But I believe that God’s molding will only perfect me to another higher level (more challenges) in another place.

Lack of rest can really kill my relationships with people around me. Especially my loved ones. They are innocent.

Humility isn’t really something that can be trained just like that. Just like stubbornness isn’t something that can be toned down easily.

I need to pray. If I can’t help myself.. nobody can. I have to allow God to make the change in me.

Memories Worthed.

I think I’ve gained another year’s worth of memories.

Very challenging year indeed. 2009.

Never feeling I’ve slept enough, pushing beyond my physical limits.. Ran 42km in Dec 2008… Suffered knee joints inflamation since then and finally with adequate rest until August 2009, achieved ippt G O L D in September 2009….

Sail until stomach flu… Vomit until face green green… Became so haggard and skinny and still got married off the shelf.. I wonder what was the ‘buyer’ thinking?!

Nothing can be used to describe how things came and left my mind.. From the start of the year till now.. All I can say is

Ohmy I’m glad how things turn out. God has made lots of TURNS in my life. The U-Turns, Right-Turns, and the Round-About-Turns. With thanksgiving in my heart, I know I have served a righteous God who has shown me great things in my life, even though I have been a sinner, something that nothing done can change any fact but yet God still loves me and gave me much.

God, you are really wonderful to me. Amen.

OH Haji

5.81 pts – remaining balance of duty points for Nov.

2 pts – weekends & public holiday

1 pt – weekdays

So I chose to do duty for 1 Sun, 1 Fri, and 1 PH. This will clear 5 points!

*               *                *

Work wise, it is getting slowly lull now. Cruising into December to enjoy that tiny bit of rest before hitting January that will bring on MAX SWING again. Schedules like that can really be crazy at times. God, please give me strength until August 2010. I’ll want to say GoodBye to shipboard working by then.

*

I must say this coming December will be a special month for me. I am very proud to announce that I’ll be getting my captain emplacement on 1 December. That will sort of mark the beginning of new salary, new rank, new commitments, new challenges coming to my way. To God be the Glory!

*

The recent case of tragedy is sad. Being an o f f i c e r, it means you take on the responsibility of ensuring your men do the right things, in the RIGHT way. The reason why some  common mishaps can happen, it is because either the guys are way too junior to know what and how to do things and that can cause mishaps to happen, OR the guys are way too senior and have been doing the same things umpteen times until complacency just seep in and destroy everything.

Me being a human, I am too, completely guilty of taking short-cuts at times.

God, please help me to learn how to re-align my thoughts daily to the standard that you want me to be. I do not want to take short-cuts and see that one day somebody suffers because of the short-cut that I have taken. Teach me Lord and drill it into me. I want to live my life the way You (God) want it.

Amen.

Bemused

I like the smell of haze but not the sight of haze~! (I realised)

Today was like a day on my own, exploring the sights of Singapore, walkering, sweating, nearly burnt by the ever never cool sun.

After the first destination, I was so glad to know I got a bus that can bring me to my next destination! It was like, just walkering around, getting lost at familiar and unknown places with my cutest smile to the best possible samaritan that I can find, and ultimately I get to THE destination.

Omy, I am very impressed by S G H. The serivce.. blah blah.. I can go on and on. The subsidised price that I got to pay at the end, was also.. sigh, impressive. I couldn’t believe my ears and eyes when I saw the following:

SUBSIDISED AMOUNT PAYABLE: $48.90

I merely did an audio test. Hello? (I wished I couldn’t hear what the cashier lady was asking)

When I saw the full amount that I was supposed to pay before being subsidised, I felt so much gladness suddenly.

FULL AMOUNT PAYABLE: $109.80

So I am blessed. Thank you Lord.

 

*                  *                    *

 

Next destination, I found myself at chinatown. The very hazy air made me so sleepy. Feeling a bit gian for nice food, I decided to go to the People’s Park ever famous huge hawker centre. After I got my food with disposible chopsticks, I happily tucked into it and my eyes started observing around.

SCENARIO:

An 50+ year old uncle bought from the same place as I did. He sat down a while, then stood up and went to the store again. He asked for another pair of disposible chopsticks. Then he went back to his seat. Little did he realise that the auntie who passed it to him, after giving it to him, she was watching him from the store. When she saw that he didn’t had anyone else with him and he was just there alone, she stomped up to him and ask him if there’s anyone else eating with him. He shook his head as if he did nothing wrong, then the auntie demanded to get back the extra pair of disposible chopsticks. That man just passed it back to her without any hesitation.

I was surprised to witness the above actually. I didn’t know how to feel after that. Some ways, I felt sorry for him. (I mean, why did he need to keep that pair of extra chopsticks?) Then the next thing came to my mind. (Why of all seats, the huge place was quite empty and knowing his intention to keep the extra pair of chopsticks, yet he still chose to seat 3 tables away from the store?) sigh. Whatever the reasons. Every human has their own reasons.

 

*            *             *

 

Well, red wine isn’t for me. O.O I think I’ll just stick to drinking tea. =.=”

Optional Love

It has been a long long while since I last find time HERE.

Walkergal has a sister. A very lovable sister. She always bully walkergal when she was young. Walkergal gave in to her MOST of the time okay. To the extent, walkergal ended up being more naggy than mummy toward THIS sister.

Till this day, I never regret putting in efforts to take care of this sister. Even though I’ve been through the parts.. ended up being too protective and I thank God that He taught me how to let go and let Him take charge of her life.

Well, very soon, she is gonna be celebrating her 21st birthday. Wow. From a little girl, she has grown to a beautiful young lady. A girl whom I have cared and loved and always been proud to be her sister. I know she will be a strong vessel for God if she will make her choices carefully in future. Still as always, even if she ever still make any silly decisions, I will still love her and forgive her wrongdoings because God never made us as perfect beings.

*        *         *

I just returned from sailing and I must say I have been inspired greatly by the book, The Heavenly Man (A true Chinese Christian story). I looked at my own walk with God and I tell you, I feel SO ASHAMED! Yeah.

Just wanna tell you all that walkergal has discovered a new found love and joy in God now. Here’s something to share just right off her mind:

This new found love has brought peace to me

So much joy and peace that I can’t contain

Temptations, just remain as tempting as you are

Worries, you are just another thought

Anger, will never be a reason for violence

Wrinkles, you have no more excuses to be on me

He brings meaning to all challenges, yesterday, today and FUTURE!

Yet an option so many times

He doesn’t and never enforces things

Holy, Just, Strong and Almighty

Suffered and crucified just for you and me

Who can ever be so loving

Optional love do you want it

- WalkerGal

Reflect Aiyoyo

Hey Stinky

I never knew that I could survive from bad smell until I met you. (woah!)

To be pretty honest here, your breath smells like glue. (wahh!)

Everyone sweats. Even I do. (*nods*) But oh come on, surely you know that at least after you sweat, you change your top or even better, take a shower right? (*shakes head*) Yeah, you change your top, but always wear back the same top. You changed out of the uniform and wear BACK the same top. (really!) And when you do shower, you come out with stinky feet. (oh! those long overseas trips!) That fateful long trip, you even told us that you have foot rot. If that is the case, how come you still choose to wear back the SAME PAIR of socks?!

I really wonder how you can drive a car to work and never thought of putting in fresh clean clothes. (???) How come you can care so much details at work and so ridiculously ignorant to your smell eh?

I never wanted to air out my grievances  and I always stand on neutral ground. But so many times already. (Your lingering awful vapour!) Surely you can feel that everyone is trying to tell you that you need to be more concerned about your own hygiene… (I’m totally clueless by you) Everyone knows. (Nobody, nobody, but YOU!)

Lastly, I don’t wanna leave behind this impression that you are an out-cast here. Honestly, you haven’t reached that state yet. (But please don’t test our patience anymore) Sometimes people just seemed to joke about your smell in front of you, please… they are not joking. IF you are really that observant (as you always claimed) … when they do that, I have never laughed before. I just want you to know, I am a serious worker here. Serious in work to reach your high expectations and also serious that I really can’t stand your smell. Many people are clueless of how your wife can stand your smell. I have no answer to that honestly. Even though you always irritate me with your unreasonable and mind throbbing and impractical questions and I always clash BIG TIME with you at work, I am pretty much a simple kind soul at heart. If I can really have the chance to ask you a question before I get posted out, I will want to help you out and definitely I’ll ask you this: Have you REALLY ever, EVER realised you stink? Please, no need to answer me. Just a simple gesture will do. THANKS.

 

Regards,
Your Surviving Colleague.

Understanding Flames

Time: 11am

I was reading newspaper during a once-in-a-blue-moon peaceful morning. She was back and I opened the door for her. Then she sat down on the exact spot I was sitting. She said she has sat down already. She won’t be moving. Fine. I told her to gimme 1 min to finish up with whatever I was reading and I left the place.

***

I have to stay at home longer to know how to adapt to her. Yesterday I had my once-in-a-blue-moon off day from work and I totally lost my cool and all. It was my only time of rest. Could I have responded to her wisely such that it won’t jeopardize my own sanity? YES.

How to stay cool while being flamed?!

I read that line on the newspaper this morning and it is clear to me that we can never run away from fire. Either we try to put it out ourselves (risk getting burnt) or we can just treat it transparent and let it burn (being oblivious towards everything).

NO. I could have used my energy to pray rather than to explode.

It is difficult.

Not to be affected and choose to turn to God. Especially when the house is just you and her alone and you cannot just stay in the room to do stuff. (At least that way I can keep my sanity and still pray for her) But I can’t stay in my room. I have been instructed to keep an eye on her. To look after her. To do that, I can’t just keep myself to the room.

Once you are out, that’s it. You see and hear the ‘damage’, sanity becomes history. Temptation of flaring up is EVERYWHERE. How to keep cool? HOW?

I figured why I just can’t do it. Because I still treasure her as a normal healthy person. I still feel very protective about her. I cannot imagine if one day she disappears. The only way to get things done correctly will be to treat her as a patient. I know that way, I will let go my anger and embrace her with patience. She can hurl as much vulgarities as she wants…  She can continue to create all the damage… I won’t be affected anymore. That will only make me love her more.

***

If you can’t take the heat, don’t step into the kitchen. Just on the fan from outside.

Long Winding Route

I know this is gonna sound strange, but I just found a nice spot in my house that I can surf the internet in a place that I can call it, my corner. With excellent broadband connection, without sitting on the floor with numb butts and legs, without blocking people, without even to slouch painfully.

It has been tough trying to make myself feel comfortable all these while. (enough said)

I just failed my audiometric test again. Twice already. Colleagues all laughed at me, calling me ‘Chau Hee Lang’ (cannot hear properly – in hokkien). But what can I do? I have only 2 ears. I lived in a very noisy environment since young. (shoutings and screamings is a norm) Whenever there is a sudden loud noise nowadays, I’ll seldom jump. More often than not, I’ll find it amusing to see people jump around me.

Yesterday was my company’s annual dinner and dance. The majority was just mainly making fun of the poor MC who couldn’t speak mandarin properly. She got arrowed to be the mandarin speaking MC for the fact that she isn’t good at mandarin. It naturally drew laughters from everybody including me (me ain’t a saint) There wasn’t any dance. Just food, dirty jokes (what else can you expect from a male working environment?) and the lucky draw. I was quite amazed that I got the 17th prize. Thank God! Honestly, I’ve never won much since I was born. Apart from a $5oo worth of scientific books from a sentosa trip when I was so so young, there wasn’t anything else to mention. So usually during this kind of lucky draw, you will see me continuing eating my food. (The food wasn’t really nice, nah just that I paid $250 for it!!)

So what’s the route ahead for me? I think I’ve done my part. I’ve raise it up to whoever who can make a difference in my work life already.

If I get posted to the shore, what will be my loss?

• No more shipboard allowance
• No more once-in-a-blue-moon offs

Then if I get posted to the shore, what is my gain?

• Free from ship fumes, and 2nd hand smoke
• Free from regimental stress
• Free from dangerous activities
• Free from accidental bruising due to instability and limited space
• Free from face to face with cockroaches and RATS!

Well, shore posting also has its challenges:

• Meetings and lots of meetings until saturdays and sundays also got to work
• Overseas courses up from a week till a month.
• Brushing up of knowledge and learning in technologies and newer ones.
• Working OT till late midnights.
• Multitasking will be required but not so much of taking command and control.

 

*****

 

I longed to be just a happy kid just like those in anime. Simple, sweet, and silly. Wahaha! ^^

ride with a P..

How often do you feel disgusted with your own pride?

Very often people feel disgusted with other people. Most of the time by their behaviours, speech, and with their Pride.

But they fail to realise they are too, also armed with their own pride.

Pride is something that is gained from experiences and it is hard to be lessened. Especially when things just keep coming in the right direction, the pride basically feeds on it and grows.

But when things don’t just come the right way, Pride can be wounded. Because it is never meant for reality in the first place. Got it?

Sometimes we correct people, we never think much on ourselves. Then when people correct us, we felt that our pride got wounded. So we hardened up our heart and then next, things become history. When next time history repeats, who can we blame?

We just like to learn things the hard way, don’t we?

Next time, when someone corrects you, don’t be too quick to answer anything (‘ok’, ‘yes’, ‘i know’). Understand that the person is around to help you. Be appreciative enough to ponder on the things said first before brushing it aside. If you are really serious when correcting people, then, be serious too when you are being corrected.

Whether you enjoy riding with a P, it is really up to you.

 

This is food for thought for myself too. Yummy!

Do Re Mi

The voice was husky and low.

When I tried to reach higher notes, it turned into a squeak.

At the end, the Lord still preserved it and everything just falls into place.

How wonderful it is when God just reveal things to us as simple as do re mi.

I guessed ‘everything’ is clearly ‘tuned’ at times by God. It’s just that we human are just so ‘tone-deaf’ and ended up being out-of-tune. Some of us don’t even realised we are ‘out-of-tune’ in life. Thank God for some others, they know they are ‘out-of-tune’ (back-slided). And I believed strongly that surely it is a matter of time, that they will be ‘back-to-tuned’.

Don’t be discouraged or sad in your current situation. Remember, God is always around you. Just have to take the first step to trust in Him. He will settle the rest.

Out of Touch.

I think I’m lost in my world of work. Many things has happened to my own country and I’m like totally unawared of it. There’s obviously no excuses for not knowing it. But I have to admit that I’m totally sucked into this whirlpool of working.

Recently I got a really bad gastric attack. I must say it has been the most painful one among all the previous ones. Who and what can I blame? I eat all my meals at the right timing. Should I say that stress is the culprit?

The more I am into this whirlpool, the more that I see things aren’t really in my control. I have learnt many things the hard way to finally let go what I need to let go.

Yes, I do take pride in everything I do, being who I am and do the best I can. But many times, my pride has been bruised by some of the kind hearted people on earth and I dunno how to comment on it. Do I really deserved it?

I was reading on Martha and Mary this morning. Martha.. seemed so much like me. Of course I’m saying this based on the few lines that I read. I dunno her much in person obviously. But those few lines seemed clear to me that I do love the Lord but there seemed much self-righteousness in me. Not that Martha is not loved by Jesus. But I believed that God wants me to find the right balance between Mary’s pure obedience and Martha’s act of love (by making effort to put things in place for God).

 

***

 

I can’t help feeling happy when I see hard works being paid off. Be it mine or others.

A+

How nice it is to see this grade.

How many of you often see this grade in your path of education?

Sometimes. No matter how hard I work, I get at most a B+. At times, I put in so much effort, I get only a C. The saddest part of it was, I did put in effort. Well, this is just me alone. When I stop looking at myself and look around at others, I see the smartest alecs around, those who don’t even spare a quarter of their brain and they get A+.

At this juncture, does it mean:

• if I still continue to put in effort, I’m just being silly??
• I should just go away and find a place that appreciates B+.
• Since I don’t get A+, I’ll just be contented with B+.

WELL. I thought it through. My choice is None Of The Above. I guess whoever is human will bound to have those thoughts running through your mind at times. Nonetheless, I still choose to believe miracles from my God. All I know is, no matter how well I can positively adjust my mindset.. (you know, any self-help books can say that) there will be a time when I will feel weak about it. But God is God. He doesn’t fall. He won’t be weakened. With the world falling in so much distress, He still remains Him. Somewhere in the bible says.. Ask, Seek, Knock.

Ask — Well, I can do that by prayer.

Seek — Ok, I need to do that by reading the bible. Please note that ’seek’ here cannot be done with your eyes close.

Knock — Now, this can be difficult. This means I need to use actions to live out my faith. Having faith doesn’t mean just saying: “Oh, I have faith that my God is good.” Living it out by faith is more than words.

Okay, fine. So now I know what’s the challenge for me. I will pray, read the bible. I’m sure that living it out will be the ultimate challenge but it’s okay. I know that Jesus will help me if I let Him to help me! Thank God.

Intervals.

Octave and Tritone.

Tritone wouldn’t have change her mind about everything if not of what God had done to change her thinking. Tritone has been a really strong willed person. Not a person who is so easy to say change.

Octave came along and totally changed things. How strange. Years of being wilfully stubborn, suddenly it became clear to Tritone. To know what is right and wrong is always simple to understand. But the doing of it — takes courage. So, well done Tritone. God has been good to you and through this, you should know He has never forsakened you or your family at all. How many years have you been wilful. Thank God for His providence right now. Count your blessings and continue to stand firm on His promises for you. Know that if He can provide this to you now, how much more is your future to Him?

Press on with prayers!

Thinking Aloud 101

What would the world become if everyday is a public holiday?