Bemused

I like the smell of haze but not the sight of haze~! (I realised)

Today was like a day on my own, exploring the sights of Singapore, walkering, sweating, nearly burnt by the ever never cool sun.

After the first destination, I was so glad to know I got a bus that can bring me to my next destination! It was like, just walkering around, getting lost at familiar and unknown places with my cutest smile to the best possible samaritan that I can find, and ultimately I get to THE destination.

Omy, I am very impressed by S G H. The serivce.. blah blah.. I can go on and on. The subsidised price that I got to pay at the end, was also.. sigh, impressive. I couldn’t believe my ears and eyes when I saw the following:

SUBSIDISED AMOUNT PAYABLE: $48.90

I merely did an audio test. Hello? (I wished I couldn’t hear what the cashier lady was asking)

When I saw the full amount that I was supposed to pay before being subsidised, I felt so much gladness suddenly.

FULL AMOUNT PAYABLE: $109.80

So I am blessed. Thank you Lord.

 

*                  *                    *

 

Next destination, I found myself at chinatown. The very hazy air made me so sleepy. Feeling a bit gian for nice food, I decided to go to the People’s Park ever famous huge hawker centre. After I got my food with disposible chopsticks, I happily tucked into it and my eyes started observing around.

SCENARIO:

An 50+ year old uncle bought from the same place as I did. He sat down a while, then stood up and went to the store again. He asked for another pair of disposible chopsticks. Then he went back to his seat. Little did he realise that the auntie who passed it to him, after giving it to him, she was watching him from the store. When she saw that he didn’t had anyone else with him and he was just there alone, she stomped up to him and ask him if there’s anyone else eating with him. He shook his head as if he did nothing wrong, then the auntie demanded to get back the extra pair of disposible chopsticks. That man just passed it back to her without any hesitation.

I was surprised to witness the above actually. I didn’t know how to feel after that. Some ways, I felt sorry for him. (I mean, why did he need to keep that pair of extra chopsticks?) Then the next thing came to my mind. (Why of all seats, the huge place was quite empty and knowing his intention to keep the extra pair of chopsticks, yet he still chose to seat 3 tables away from the store?) sigh. Whatever the reasons. Every human has their own reasons.

 

*            *             *

 

Well, red wine isn’t for me. O.O I think I’ll just stick to drinking tea. =.=”

Optional Love

It has been a long long while since I last find time HERE.

Walkergal has a sister. A very lovable sister. She always bully walkergal when she was young. Walkergal gave in to her MOST of the time okay. To the extent, walkergal ended up being more naggy than mummy toward THIS sister.

Till this day, I never regret putting in efforts to take care of this sister. Even though I’ve been through the parts.. ended up being too protective and I thank God that He taught me how to let go and let Him take charge of her life.

Well, very soon, she is gonna be celebrating her 21st birthday. Wow. From a little girl, she has grown to a beautiful young lady. A girl whom I have cared and loved and always been proud to be her sister. I know she will be a strong vessel for God if she will make her choices carefully in future. Still as always, even if she ever still make any silly decisions, I will still love her and forgive her wrongdoings because God never made us as perfect beings.

*        *         *

I just returned from sailing and I must say I have been inspired greatly by the book, The Heavenly Man (A true Chinese Christian story). I looked at my own walk with God and I tell you, I feel SO ASHAMED! Yeah.

Just wanna tell you all that walkergal has discovered a new found love and joy in God now. Here’s something to share just right off her mind:

This new found love has brought peace to me

So much joy and peace that I can’t contain

Temptations, just remain as tempting as you are

Worries, you are just another thought

Anger, will never be a reason for violence

Wrinkles, you have no more excuses to be on me

He brings meaning to all challenges, yesterday, today and FUTURE!

Yet an option so many times

He doesn’t and never enforces things

Holy, Just, Strong and Almighty

Suffered and crucified just for you and me

Who can ever be so loving

Optional love do you want it

- WalkerGal

Reflect Aiyoyo

Hey Stinky

I never knew that I could survive from bad smell until I met you. (woah!)

To be pretty honest here, your breath smells like glue. (wahh!)

Everyone sweats. Even I do. (*nods*) But oh come on, surely you know that at least after you sweat, you change your top or even better, take a shower right? (*shakes head*) Yeah, you change your top, but always wear back the same top. You changed out of the uniform and wear BACK the same top. (really!) And when you do shower, you come out with stinky feet. (oh! those long overseas trips!) That fateful long trip, you even told us that you have foot rot. If that is the case, how come you still choose to wear back the SAME PAIR of socks?!

I really wonder how you can drive a car to work and never thought of putting in fresh clean clothes. (???) How come you can care so much details at work and so ridiculously ignorant to your smell eh?

I never wanted to air out my grievances  and I always stand on neutral ground. But so many times already. (Your lingering awful vapour!) Surely you can feel that everyone is trying to tell you that you need to be more concerned about your own hygiene… (I’m totally clueless by you) Everyone knows. (Nobody, nobody, but YOU!)

Lastly, I don’t wanna leave behind this impression that you are an out-cast here. Honestly, you haven’t reached that state yet. (But please don’t test our patience anymore) Sometimes people just seemed to joke about your smell in front of you, please… they are not joking. IF you are really that observant (as you always claimed) … when they do that, I have never laughed before. I just want you to know, I am a serious worker here. Serious in work to reach your high expectations and also serious that I really can’t stand your smell. Many people are clueless of how your wife can stand your smell. I have no answer to that honestly. Even though you always irritate me with your unreasonable and mind throbbing and impractical questions and I always clash BIG TIME with you at work, I am pretty much a simple kind soul at heart. If I can really have the chance to ask you a question before I get posted out, I will want to help you out and definitely I’ll ask you this: Have you REALLY ever, EVER realised you stink? Please, no need to answer me. Just a simple gesture will do. THANKS.

 

Regards,
Your Surviving Colleague.

Understanding Flames

Time: 11am

I was reading newspaper during a once-in-a-blue-moon peaceful morning. She was back and I opened the door for her. Then she sat down on the exact spot I was sitting. She said she has sat down already. She won’t be moving. Fine. I told her to gimme 1 min to finish up with whatever I was reading and I left the place.

***

I have to stay at home longer to know how to adapt to her. Yesterday I had my once-in-a-blue-moon off day from work and I totally lost my cool and all. It was my only time of rest. Could I have responded to her wisely such that it won’t jeopardize my own sanity? YES.

How to stay cool while being flamed?!

I read that line on the newspaper this morning and it is clear to me that we can never run away from fire. Either we try to put it out ourselves (risk getting burnt) or we can just treat it transparent and let it burn (being oblivious towards everything).

NO. I could have used my energy to pray rather than to explode.

It is difficult.

Not to be affected and choose to turn to God. Especially when the house is just you and her alone and you cannot just stay in the room to do stuff. (At least that way I can keep my sanity and still pray for her) But I can’t stay in my room. I have been instructed to keep an eye on her. To look after her. To do that, I can’t just keep myself to the room.

Once you are out, that’s it. You see and hear the ‘damage’, sanity becomes history. Temptation of flaring up is EVERYWHERE. How to keep cool? HOW?

I figured why I just can’t do it. Because I still treasure her as a normal healthy person. I still feel very protective about her. I cannot imagine if one day she disappears. The only way to get things done correctly will be to treat her as a patient. I know that way, I will let go my anger and embrace her with patience. She can hurl as much vulgarities as she wants…  She can continue to create all the damage… I won’t be affected anymore. That will only make me love her more.

***

If you can’t take the heat, don’t step into the kitchen. Just on the fan from outside.

Long Winding Route

I know this is gonna sound strange, but I just found a nice spot in my house that I can surf the internet in a place that I can call it, my corner. With excellent broadband connection, without sitting on the floor with numb butts and legs, without blocking people, without even to slouch painfully.

It has been tough trying to make myself feel comfortable all these while. (enough said)

I just failed my audiometric test again. Twice already. Colleagues all laughed at me, calling me ‘Chau Hee Lang’ (cannot hear properly – in hokkien). But what can I do? I have only 2 ears. I lived in a very noisy environment since young. (shoutings and screamings is a norm) Whenever there is a sudden loud noise nowadays, I’ll seldom jump. More often than not, I’ll find it amusing to see people jump around me.

Yesterday was my company’s annual dinner and dance. The majority was just mainly making fun of the poor MC who couldn’t speak mandarin properly. She got arrowed to be the mandarin speaking MC for the fact that she isn’t good at mandarin. It naturally drew laughters from everybody including me (me ain’t a saint) There wasn’t any dance. Just food, dirty jokes (what else can you expect from a male working environment?) and the lucky draw. I was quite amazed that I got the 17th prize. Thank God! Honestly, I’ve never won much since I was born. Apart from a $5oo worth of scientific books from a sentosa trip when I was so so young, there wasn’t anything else to mention. So usually during this kind of lucky draw, you will see me continuing eating my food. (The food wasn’t really nice, nah just that I paid $250 for it!!)

So what’s the route ahead for me? I think I’ve done my part. I’ve raise it up to whoever who can make a difference in my work life already.

If I get posted to the shore, what will be my loss?

• No more shipboard allowance
• No more once-in-a-blue-moon offs

Then if I get posted to the shore, what is my gain?

• Free from ship fumes, and 2nd hand smoke
• Free from regimental stress
• Free from dangerous activities
• Free from accidental bruising due to instability and limited space
• Free from face to face with cockroaches and RATS!

Well, shore posting also has its challenges:

• Meetings and lots of meetings until saturdays and sundays also got to work
• Overseas courses up from a week till a month.
• Brushing up of knowledge and learning in technologies and newer ones.
• Working OT till late midnights.
• Multitasking will be required but not so much of taking command and control.

 

*****

 

I longed to be just a happy kid just like those in anime. Simple, sweet, and silly. Wahaha! ^^

ride with a P..

How often do you feel disgusted with your own pride?

Very often people feel disgusted with other people. Most of the time by their behaviours, speech, and with their Pride.

But they fail to realise they are too, also armed with their own pride.

Pride is something that is gained from experiences and it is hard to be lessened. Especially when things just keep coming in the right direction, the pride basically feeds on it and grows.

But when things don’t just come the right way, Pride can be wounded. Because it is never meant for reality in the first place. Got it?

Sometimes we correct people, we never think much on ourselves. Then when people correct us, we felt that our pride got wounded. So we hardened up our heart and then next, things become history. When next time history repeats, who can we blame?

We just like to learn things the hard way, don’t we?

Next time, when someone corrects you, don’t be too quick to answer anything (‘ok’, ‘yes’, ‘i know’). Understand that the person is around to help you. Be appreciative enough to ponder on the things said first before brushing it aside. If you are really serious when correcting people, then, be serious too when you are being corrected.

Whether you enjoy riding with a P, it is really up to you.

 

This is food for thought for myself too. Yummy!

Do Re Mi

The voice was husky and low.

When I tried to reach higher notes, it turned into a squeak.

At the end, the Lord still preserved it and everything just falls into place.

How wonderful it is when God just reveal things to us as simple as do re mi.

I guessed ‘everything’ is clearly ‘tuned’ at times by God. It’s just that we human are just so ‘tone-deaf’ and ended up being out-of-tune. Some of us don’t even realised we are ‘out-of-tune’ in life. Thank God for some others, they know they are ‘out-of-tune’ (back-slided). And I believed strongly that surely it is a matter of time, that they will be ‘back-to-tuned’.

Don’t be discouraged or sad in your current situation. Remember, God is always around you. Just have to take the first step to trust in Him. He will settle the rest.

Out of Touch.

I think I’m lost in my world of work. Many things has happened to my own country and I’m like totally unawared of it. There’s obviously no excuses for not knowing it. But I have to admit that I’m totally sucked into this whirlpool of working.

Recently I got a really bad gastric attack. I must say it has been the most painful one among all the previous ones. Who and what can I blame? I eat all my meals at the right timing. Should I say that stress is the culprit?

The more I am into this whirlpool, the more that I see things aren’t really in my control. I have learnt many things the hard way to finally let go what I need to let go.

Yes, I do take pride in everything I do, being who I am and do the best I can. But many times, my pride has been bruised by some of the kind hearted people on earth and I dunno how to comment on it. Do I really deserved it?

I was reading on Martha and Mary this morning. Martha.. seemed so much like me. Of course I’m saying this based on the few lines that I read. I dunno her much in person obviously. But those few lines seemed clear to me that I do love the Lord but there seemed much self-righteousness in me. Not that Martha is not loved by Jesus. But I believed that God wants me to find the right balance between Mary’s pure obedience and Martha’s act of love (by making effort to put things in place for God).

 

***

 

I can’t help feeling happy when I see hard works being paid off. Be it mine or others.

A+

How nice it is to see this grade.

How many of you often see this grade in your path of education?

Sometimes. No matter how hard I work, I get at most a B+. At times, I put in so much effort, I get only a C. The saddest part of it was, I did put in effort. Well, this is just me alone. When I stop looking at myself and look around at others, I see the smartest alecs around, those who don’t even spare a quarter of their brain and they get A+.

At this juncture, does it mean:

• if I still continue to put in effort, I’m just being silly??
• I should just go away and find a place that appreciates B+.
• Since I don’t get A+, I’ll just be contented with B+.

WELL. I thought it through. My choice is None Of The Above. I guess whoever is human will bound to have those thoughts running through your mind at times. Nonetheless, I still choose to believe miracles from my God. All I know is, no matter how well I can positively adjust my mindset.. (you know, any self-help books can say that) there will be a time when I will feel weak about it. But God is God. He doesn’t fall. He won’t be weakened. With the world falling in so much distress, He still remains Him. Somewhere in the bible says.. Ask, Seek, Knock.

Ask — Well, I can do that by prayer.

Seek — Ok, I need to do that by reading the bible. Please note that ’seek’ here cannot be done with your eyes close.

Knock — Now, this can be difficult. This means I need to use actions to live out my faith. Having faith doesn’t mean just saying: “Oh, I have faith that my God is good.” Living it out by faith is more than words.

Okay, fine. So now I know what’s the challenge for me. I will pray, read the bible. I’m sure that living it out will be the ultimate challenge but it’s okay. I know that Jesus will help me if I let Him to help me! Thank God.

Intervals.

Octave and Tritone.

Tritone wouldn’t have change her mind about everything if not of what God had done to change her thinking. Tritone has been a really strong willed person. Not a person who is so easy to say change.

Octave came along and totally changed things. How strange. Years of being wilfully stubborn, suddenly it became clear to Tritone. To know what is right and wrong is always simple to understand. But the doing of it — takes courage. So, well done Tritone. God has been good to you and through this, you should know He has never forsakened you or your family at all. How many years have you been wilful. Thank God for His providence right now. Count your blessings and continue to stand firm on His promises for you. Know that if He can provide this to you now, how much more is your future to Him?

Press on with prayers!

Thinking Aloud 101

What would the world become if everyday is a public holiday?

Disturbing Testosterones

Walkergal had survived. Thank God for everything.

These days.. being trapped with so much testosterones, I almost thought that I would not have survived! Honestly I don’t have any brothers. This trip experience sort of made me felt that I were on a holiday with a family of brothers. (what a bother!) Although I can’t put everything that I’ve been through into just — Words. Well.. here goes….

At times I felt being cared for so much. But. At times I felt so disgusted by their comments on the women on magazines, on-screen..etc.. their actions, smells (OH, I don’t want to start that), their vulgarities and dirty jokes. Ah. Enough.

***

One night, well, I now realised the importance of moisturising myself (like finally =.=) So I did what most women would do — slapping on moisturisers. I thought I could proceed to my night prayers. Who knows, LITTLE cockroach came along. It was this long: __________ I was caught in a dilemma. Kill it, OR NOT?

A few options actually:

1. Take some toilet paper, smash it.
2. Observe it first.
3. Smash it NOW.

Guess what I did? I did option 3. Yeah. After I had good layers of lovely smelling moisturisers on my hand, I smashed that cockroach with my — Moisturised palm. Thank God, I got it. (applauses!)

I saw it a few nights ago and I wasn’t fast enough to end it’s life. And, HOW MANY women in the right sense of mind, can sleep in a tiny room with a COCKROACH?

Honestly, I mind. =.=

A few nights ago some guys found out that there was a rat eating up their snacks. It actually bit through cardboard boxes and ate their nissin instant cup noodles. It pooed everywhere after that. Thank God that my visitor was just merely a cockroach. Ohmy. I would be so mad if that rat visited me. I have loads of dry snacks in my room. It would be disasterous if that rat lay its teeth on it! Moreover, I think I would freak out. Cos it got — FUR! EEKS.

***

Personal Space. Very important to me. But dunno why some people just can’t understand simple instructions. They knocked on my door with their other hand on the handle. So you can imagine split second they will just open the door without any (screaming) verbal reply from me. Sigh. ‘Knock-Listen-Wait till I say open’ — is it very hard to follow? I just have to be more forgiving to them. GUYS. (roll-eyes)

***

Sometimes, these guys are really an optimistic bunch. In the midst of the pounding rolling bad sea, they can still shout words of celebration — ‘Lets rock and roll!’ The sea was really bad. I can’t stress more on how BAD it was.

***

One day, I was watching a hong kong drama serial. A is a married man to B. A is the boss of C. A got together with C without telling her that he was married. After they bed together, then he revealed he is married. (what a scum!) C had already given him her everything. A then told C not to worry. He will divorce with B. Well, the story went on with the fact that A did not divorce B at all. B became pregnant with A’s child and went on to accuse C of being a family breaker. To start off with, C did not seduce A at all. I was watching this show with other 8 guys. Can you imagine what comments I heard? They all agreed that it was C’s fault. (horrified) They did not care whatever facts in front. They just said C was silly and stupid. (incorrigible) After working in a testosterone harvesting field for a while, Walkergal learned to be wise and not to sprout her comments out too much cos it is useless to talk any other sense. Well, one important takeback for all women here: Be wise in your choices and decision making of partners. In this world, men set the rules and play the game their manner. At the end, if women don’t wise up, you will find yourself being played out very easily.

***

Many smses I received from family and walkerboy during the trip, made me realised they are very precious to me. Honestly, they made me worked hard… for my future. Facing unpredictable challenges every single day, it is not surprising for me to want to give up sailing and just to go onshore to work. I can really feel the warm support of love from them. I really want to thank God for them. Elder sister even drew and decorated pieces of words of encouragement for me. I deserved nothing like that. I don’t feel worthy of their support at times. But God is faithful. I learnt during the trip about this: ‘It is not about doing things alone. It is about doing it.’ I had gained solutions from problems. Without problems, there ain’t improvements. And I personally believe that God wants His children to excel and become better each day so that when it is His timing for us to do His purposes, we can proudly say that WE ARE THERE. Obviously we will never be perfect to do His will. But always remember that God will perfect you and me according to His will and His timing. Each of us are made differently. Hence obviously the level of perfection will be different in each of us. Cheers!

***

Ohmy. I really miss my mummy’s cooking. Her rainbow porridge. Comforting and yummy. Her soups and basically EVERYTHING. I miss disturbing sister when she’s studying for her papers. (well, you should have seen how she tortured me when she was younger when I had exams) I miss swimming. (that reminded me now that I feel FAT)

 

***

 

I thank God for everything I have. What is in my control and what is in His control. All my troubles and worries. My family and my future. I claim victory in His name for I know His plans are greater and I will continue to worship Him no matter what happen anywhere.

Ironic Kiasuism?

the recent recession in Singapore has hit the Singaporeans so hard that so many of them went….. shopping!?!

then when AXA Life Insurance did a survey – conducted in January and February (on career, retirement, family, health) with China, Hong Kong, India, Indonesia, Malaysia, the Philippines, Thailand and Singapore, it was found out that Singaporeans were the most concerned about job security and they were also the least optimistic about the future.

ironically, Singapore is actually the least affected by economic turmoil.

interestingly, the Philippines was ranked the most upbeat, followed by India and then China. (no wonder most of the time Walkerboy seemed more optimistic than me!)

back to the local light. no idea why there are people who are affected by this recession and yet still shop around like nobody’s business. i certainly question their priorities in life. be it  male or female.

at the end of the day, i guess it does raise people’s eyebrows when there exists some people who aren’t really rich and yet still choose to be unfazed by the recession and still keep spending money on unnecessary things of life. i can’t find a right word to describe these people.

Missing Great Wall

That climb was truly my best experience ever.

Even if one day I have another chance to do it again, my energy won’t be as what I have had the last time.

Didn’t really want to say good bye to it.. I mean, HOW many such opportunities will one really be able to taste in one’s life? Imagine treading endlessly (it seemed endlessly when you are at it) on a crumbling stone path that has no walls and it is clear that you are SO HIGH up there with no toilets, just nothing, no end in sight and yet you know that you have 4 hours to complete that route (safe estimate) so that the transport van that you have paid and arranged, will meet you at the end to drive you all the way back to the city? Missing the van would mean you will have absolutely no way of returning back to the city… might even have to stay there in cold for the night. That would mean not being able to report for work on monday morning…!!

To top it off, you have to plan when to drink and how much to drink so that you won’t overdo it and will be able to have sufficient water to last you through the entire climb, and also not have to GO toilet during the 4 hr climb. If you dunno much about your body, may I suggest you not to even try attempting such climb until you have really (been certified) taken care of yourself before.

And, there’s no toilet break for you for the 2 hours route from city to the rural climbing start point of the Great Wall.

So you roughly can guess the total hours needed for the entire day just to get there, do the climb and to get back home? At least minimum of 8 hours. The duration stated here certainly doesn’t permit much time for you to do fancy poses for phototaking. So really, it is a gamble to take on this trip or not. The sacrifices that I made so to make this climb possible.. ? It includes lots of determination, calculated risks, sweat, and courage. Of cos, I was naughty too, I skipped church that sunday when I went for the climb.

I brought nice Japanese rice tuna dumpling wrapped in triangular shaped seaweed to fuel my climb and of cos, my precious water. For my other friends, some of them got Bak Kuas flown all the way from Singapore to Beijing. They made sandwiches from that. (Haha… The things that people try when they are overseas) For those who are still young and wish to try climbing the Great Wall, please be sure to do it once, do it well and finish it. There’s no turning back once you start on the trail. No one in the right mind would wanna do that. So have faith in yourself and embark on this experience that Walkergal will give you thumbs up.